Expectations....
So, I intended this to be a post about how my expectations have shaped my life since they have been on my mind a lot recently....And I realized, I hadn't blogged since February!!! Part of the reason is definitely the expectations I had to write a blog of the same awesomeness.....how fitting for the subject!
There are so many different types of expectations.......
It started out as me coming to grips with the fact that I love Christmas Eve even more than Christmas, just because of the excitement of what's to COME.....I sort of get a little let down on Christmas morning, cuz I have to wait a whole 364 more days for that excitement of the unknown again.
Another one I got to thinking about is my movie expectations.......I actually was excited to realize that the most hyped movie of my life (or at least from what I can remember), The Dark Knight, actually lived up to my expectations! It was amazing......
Probably the most meaningful, or important expectations that have shaped my life are expectations about my future.....
The strangest phenomena I have seen in my life is my expectations I had moving across the world on STINT.......I found it strikingly odd that when I decided to move across the ocean to Italy I had no clue what I thought was going to happen. I figured I should have at least SOME expectations, what I was going to do, what it would feel like, what I would learn, but nothing.....
When I got there, everything was a blank slate....I didn't know where I was, I didn't know how to communicate, and I for sure didn't know how it was going to be living and working with only 5 other people that knew my world. I learned a lot of stuff, about me, God, and other people.....My whole grownup life up to that point had been in another country.
I'm not gonna lie, we went through a lot of crazy stuff, and I am not even totally sure it all has been dealt with yet.........but I said "what the hey" and signed up for another year. Life there was all I knew, I knew that God could use me there, and I was excited to see how much more I would grow in the 2nd year...
That's when my expectations came into play....
I had a meltdown at briefing 2nd year because my expectations were THROUGH THE ROOF.....I was afraid about what might and might not happen......I held on to anything familiar that I could find to keep me in the past.....(even literally....there was a point in time I grabbed onto Nate and wouldn't let go)
My 2nd year was drastically different than my first. I know we're all different people (along with different expectations), so 10 different people going through the same things would produce MANY different emotions and VERY different experiences. I bet that if I went through 2nd year w/o the first to ramp up to it, I would have a COMPLETELY different experience.....
I really think that I put too much weight on my previously existing expectations and grabbed onto them for dear life and didn't let the slate be as clean as it should have been for a new experience......By doing that, I latched my feelings onto my expectations and let them take me for a wild ride.....
I'm not even sure any of that made sense....
But as of right now, that's where I am......it took me almost 2 years to get to a good place to heal some of my first year scars, and almost a week after my 1 year anniversary of my 2nd year return I am starting to head down that road to find out what really happened.....and to find out what God has in store for me from my 2nd year of STINT.....
please pray that I can figure this out....
posted by Kat @ 3:51 PM
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